Documenting

I feel like I am not keeping up with documenting well enough for you. With working, I do not get to spend enough time with you and then I have so many things to prepare for both of us to get out of the house each day. I am sorry, baby. There will be things along the way that I do not get to document for you. I feel guilty for it, but I want you to know that it is because I would rather spend my time with you than writing about you.

You have had a fussy couple of days. I think you are in a growth spurt but I cannot be certain. Or perhaps you are just clingy because you miss me when I am at work. That thought is bittersweet.... happy that you love me and would miss me, sad that I have to be gone from you and you miss me. I did get a few very happy pictures of you, despite the fussiness. I want to make you happy all the time.

Solids

We attempted solids today. Oatmeal to be precise. I always worry that you aren't getting enough to eat and you seemed ready to start. We tried, but you weren't ready. You did not like the spoon at all although you seemed to like the cereal. We will wait a month or so and then try again when you are more ready. Your pace will always be the best pace and I will adjust to your time frame. Here you are in your high chair.
You did not like the chair in the reclined position and kept trying to sit up until I put the chair upright.

Hello Toes!

Today was a rough day for you. You came home from daycare and started to get fussy. I was playing with you on my lap and you were happy, smiling, talking and laughing. All of a sudden, you threw up all over both of us. I was going to take you in the shower so I put you in your bumbo. While you were in the bumbo, you spotted your toes. You would spread them out and look at one foot and then the other. You tried to grab them and tried to suck on them but you couldn't quite reach them to your mouth. You looked at me a few times but were completely mesmerized by your toes.

All I Want For Christmas...

We went to see Santa and you loved it! You were happy and smiling and talking to him (until I took a picture, of course). I am so proud of you for being happy to see Santa.

Oh the Places You'll Go!

It seems as though you are always trying to go somewhere. Sometimes I can't keep up with you and you aren't even mobile yet! You get very frustrated when you can't actually go.

I have found that you like to go upside down. You do not like to lay down but if I lay you back, you will arch your back until i lay you upside down. You will stay there for a moment perfectly content and sucking your fists. You also like to go up and down this way. When I pull you up, you arch your back if you want to go back down.

Today was a hard day for me. You were awake when I took you to daycare. I put you in one of the swings and you fussed your "pick me up fuss" while staring at me. I really wanted to pick you up and cuddle you but I had to leave. You stopped fussing as I was on my way out the door but i was still a little sad for you.

Figuring It Out

I'm trying to learn to sit by myself.

But uh oh i'm falling forward. Hey, if i put my hands here on my legs, I won't fall over.

Wait a second, this is better. I only need one hand to hold myself up.

Now I can use my other hand to try to grab this thing my mom put around me.

Look mom, no hands!

Oops, I fell backwards.

Ok, back up. I guess I better keep one hand here to hold me steady!

3 Months Old?!?!

I find it hard to believe you are the big, three month old boy that you are. You are developing quite your own personality. You love to "talk" to me and we have very long conversations. You smile and coo and flirt. You try so hard to crawl. You are learning how to use your hands and you are grabbing/pulling everything that comes near them. You are starting to really enjoy your bath (until water gets on your face or head). You will smile in the sink now. You are trying to figure out how to laugh and get quite a few little chuckles out. My big boy. I love watching you grow and learn. You are such a happy baby and your beautiful face always cheers me up. You started daycare this week as well. I was very worried about being away from you all day. You have been enjoying daycare very much. I have gotten great reports everyday. Everyone there loves you and always say what a wonderful baby you are.

Y

We Went to Iowa, We Went to Florida

It was a long week and a half but you were excellent. We took a total of 6 flights and you were an angel on all of them. We went first to Iowa, where you visited with your mommy imposed best friend Logan.

You attended your cousins' first birthday party.

You visited with family.

We then flew to Florida to visit your father and grandmother. We went to the beach even though it was rather chilly. You were very sleepy and slept the whole time we were on the beach. You dad thought I was crazy because I made sure you had a hat. I must admit, I dressed you rather silly with your sweater, hat and bib. But you were adorable anyways.


You figured out a new trick during this trip. I guess you got tired of being passed to so many people and decided screaming for me was a good way to solve the problem. As soon as you were back in my arms, you were happy, smiling and laughing. You knew I wouldn't let you scream and decided to do this a lot.

Growing Every Day

Where Have All the Naps Gone?

I have a lot of pictures of you napping because that is when it is easiest to take them and you are so cute when you sleep, I can't help it. By looking at these pictures, you would think that you sleep a lot. But in reality, this is not true lately. You like to cat nap instead of taking long naps. When we are home you take a bunch of 15-30 minute naps. By evening time, you are over tired and cranky for this reason. I have tried many things to get you to nap longer but you won't have it. Today I put you in your swing for your morning nap and then took a shower. You were awake and playing with the softbook on your swing 15 minutes later when I came out of the bathroom.
You are a busy body. Always moving and going. You just don't want to miss anything that is happening.

Love

Ever since the first moment I spoke your name
From then on I knew that by you being in my life
Things were destined to change cause......


Love
So many people use your name in vain
Love
Those who faith in you sometimes go astray
Love
Through all the ups and downs the joy and hurt
Love
For better or worse I still will choose you first

Celebrating Election Day

Today will be a day for the history books. While it makes me sad that it has taken our country so long to get to this point, I am hoping we are moving as a whole in the right direction.

From the moment I knew you had been conceived, I have always wondered about the struggles you may have in your lifetime. I have wondered how you will handle them and how I will handle them. What will I do the first time you are teased? What can I say to make you feel better if someone hurts your feelings?

This year has shown me people who put away their ignorance and learned acceptance as well as people who refuse move beyond their narrow views. I hope that as you get older acceptance will continue to increase. I hope that you will never experience the hurt from someone who won't accept you for who you are. You are my son. You are your dad's son. Your family has a lot of history you should always be proud of. Be proud of who you are because of who you are not in spite of it.

We celebrated today as a step forward: our first biracial presidential candidate. Perhaps by tonight we will have another step to celebrate: our first biracial president. I am so happy you are here to experience this election.

My Big Boy

Your 2 month birthday was yesterday but today was your 2 month appointment. You are getting sooooooo big! Today you were 13 pounds 2 ounces and 24 inches long. The 90th percentile for both! Where did my little baby go? Where is the boy who was in the 20th percentile at 2 weeks? Every time i pick you up, I can't believe how big you are.

You didn't like the doctor's office from the start of the visit. You cried as soon as we made it into the waiting room. You calmed down in the waiting room when a little boy and girl were playing peek a boo with you. You were all smiles for them, which they loved. But you started crying again when the nurse measured you and again when the doctor checked you. Then came the shots. I don't think I will ever forget the look you gave me when you realized the pain. I am sorry we had to cause you pain but it was only to keep you healthy. Ever since we came home, you have been very clingy, whiny and sleepy. I have been cuddling you the whole time in hope that I will help you feel at least a little bit better.

A new habit has developed during the past couple of days. For your morning nap I put you in the swing when you are tired. You will swing by yourself until you fall asleep. You no longer need me to rock you to sleep. This is a big improvement because only a couple weeks ago you would scream if I put you in the swing before you were asleep. This new ability makes me feel a little better about sending you to daycare in a month.

Happy Halloween Little Bear!!!!

We were supposed to be in the Halloween Parade last week but sadly it rained. It has been a rather uneventful first Halloween. But I had fun dressing you up anyways.

We went to a Halloween playgroup and you dressed up as a bee. You slept through the entire playgroup so I only was able to take one picture:


Aunt Jenn bought you a fun shirt and pumpkin socks that you wore when we went out for lunch with MOMO:


And here is the costume you were supposed to wear in the parade. You didn't like it very well and didn't wear it for very long:

But Its Not Even Halloween

It is snowing. SNOWING?!?! The change in weather has made me so sad. I am longing for 75 and sunny with a light breeze... I have a feeling this is going to be a long winter. Getting out of the house with an infant in cold weather is not something I was prepared for. I am so nervous as to whether he is bundled enough or if he will overheat when we go into a store. All in all, the first snowfall was beautiful, even if I am dreading the winter.

Seemingly Overnight

I am always amazed by how many skills you acquire and how much you change in such a short time. It seems like every night you go to sleep and the next day you wake up with some new ability. The one that surprised me the most is that you developed different cries. You went from having one loud wail for everything to having four different kinds if cries. Well, four that I can absolutely differentiate every time. There is a whimper kind of cry. Usually you whimper when I am holding you but not paying attention to you or if you are in your chair or on the floor with me right next to you and you want me to pick you up. Then you have a whining sort of cry. This is the next level of unhappy. You start this cry when I have done what you wanted. If i put you in my lap when you want to be on my shoulder, you start the whining cry. I have to keep trying different positions until I figure out exactly what you want. Next, you have the "I'm getting upset" cry. Usually you get upset when you are hungry, need a diaper change or you have just woken up. These three cries are almost always accompanied by ab adorable pouty face. Your final cry is the angry cry. You get angry when I can't figure out what you want or I take too long to do it, It is an all out scream that breaks my heart.

You are mastering other skills too. I think my favorite is sticking out your tongue. If I stick my tongue out at you over and over, you will do it back to me (if you are in the mood of course). You have earned a new nickname from me too....

My Chubster

Poor Baby!

While documenting the many firsts that will occur throughout your life, I thought I should document this one as well. The first cold. It started a few days ago with just a stuffy nose but has gotten worse. I was worried of course because you were have a hard time breathing, especially when sleeping. You would moan, whine, and thrash around all night. I took you to the doctor just to make sure everything was ok. You checked out just fine and it truly is just your first cold. On a positive note, you weighed 11lbs 3oz today. You are growing so fast!!!! I cannot believe how big you have gotten in 6 short weeks.

We came home from the doctor and I put you down in your bouncy chair for a couple of minutes. I went in the other room and came back..... you were fast asleep, all on your own.You rarely go to sleep on your own and I was so proud of you for doing so. Perhaps it was just because you are sick and had been up most of the night, but either way, I'm still proud of how much you are growing.

A Big Day!

It has been one month, one week and 4 days since you were born. Until today, I hadn't been away from you at all yet. I wanted to go to a job fair today since it will be time for me to go back to work soon. I would have brought you with me but didn't think that would go over well. Nancy babysat you while I went. I promised I would only take an hour but gave her a bottle just in case. Then I crossed my fingers and hoped that you would take the bottle if you got hungry since you only get mad at me when I try to give you one. Well, I had an interview at the job fair and it took much longer than I had planned. I rushed back to get you to walk in the door and find you contentedly taking a bottle. Its a step that shows you aren't completely dependent on just me. I was happy that I can allow other people to watch you and feed you but also a little sad. Feeding you was the one thing had only *I* could do for you. Well, that's not true. I'm still the only one who can be your mother and I guess that is all both of us need.

Another big step. Yesterday I put you in your crib for a nap. Usually when you wake up and realize you are by yourself you get upset right away. Not yesterday. Yesterday you woke up and contentedly played in the crib. I heard you making cooing noises and went to check on you. You were wide awake and happily playing. You were making adorable faces, so of course, I took advantage of your content moment to take a bunch of pictures.
And lastly, another big step. You have been intentionally smiling at me when I talk or sing to you. This is the first smile I was able to catch on camera. Well, its the end of the smile. You give very big, whole mouth open smiles, then end with a little grin. The grin was all I could catch.

We Will Be OK

I've been wondering if I am really capable of being a mom without "messing up." There are so many books and so many people offering up advice that its overwhelming. Don't co-sleep. Don't pick him up so much. Don't let him cry. Don't feed him so much. Don't spoil him. I have my own opinions on what to do for many situations. I have read book after book and develop theories based on these books. But for some reason, each conflicting piece of advice makes me wonder.... Am i messing up? Is my theory wrong? Does this other mom know better than I do because she has 3 children? And then I wonder if I am carrying out the theory I believe in a wrong way. Will i somehow do something that will cause irreparable harm without realizing? NO!

I have decided to let go of my second guessing and insecurities. I'm sure I will always wonder if I could be doing better but from now on, I will not let unsolicited advice make me think that I am being a bad mom. I am willing to consider the opinion of others but many of the opinions I am being given have already been considered and decided against. So if another mom thinks that letting you sleep on my chest for 2 hours in the evening is spoiling you and ruining your nighttime schedule, I will brush off the advice with a smile and continue letting you sleep.

I don't understand why other people are so quick to judge a new mom's parenting. Perhaps they feel that they since they have experience, they are being helpful. But I'm sure these same people were thinking the same thoughts I am having now when others gave unwanted advice. Sure, I have a lot of question and there are many things I do not know. I will admit when I need help and accept advice when it is truly warranted. However, when and where my child sleeps is not a matter of utmost concern that it must be addressed several times by every person I know. In short, I will do my best and we will be ok.

And of course, I can't post without a picture. Here is one of me "spoiling" you.

The Greatest Day There Ever Was

I'm backtracking now. All the way back to Labor Day weekend, where my first post stopped. Your father arrived on Sunday. We stayed home Sunday and Monday with the only exception of going out to eat. We were both ready for you to come. Well, I was more ready than your dad was. I was having a lot of pain in my back but no other signs you would be born. Tuesday I went to work as usual and was a little disappointed that you hadn't decided to come over the weekend. Here is the last picture I had taken of me before you were born.

The pain in my back continued to worsen all day Tuesday. After lunch, I couldn't take the pain anymore. I called the doctor and she told me to go to the hospital to be monitored. Around 2:15, I left work and a friend of mine drove me home to get your dad. Since he wasn't home, she drove me to the hospital and dropped me off. Normally I would have worried about being at the hospital by myself but i just knew you weren't coming yet. The nurses monitored my contractions and your heart rate and told me everything was fine. They said they would call my doctor and then send me home to wait for labor to begin. Suddenly, there were eight people standing around me. They put an oxygen mask on my face and an IV in my arm but would not tell me what was going on. After what seemed like an eternity, someone finally told me your heart rate had dropped. Your heart rate stabilized finally and the doctor came in to do an ultrasound. My fluid was low and you, my difficult boy, were breech. The doctor told me we would be having a c section at 6. I called your Aunt Jenn at work and told her the news and she rushed to the hospital. Your heart rate fluctuated a few more times and the doctor decided the c section would be as soon as possible instead of at 6. I was taken to the OR and given a spinal block. Aunt Jenn had just arrived when my legs had gone completely numb. You were taken out of my belly with your bum entering the world first at 4:48. The doctors allowed me a brief glimpse of my beautiful boy and you were taken to the other side of the room to be cleaned while my surgery was finished. You screamed and screamed until the brought you back to me. Aunt Jenn held you and you calmed down as soon as you were by my side. I stroked your cheek until my surgery was complete. You were 6lbs 6oz and 19.5in of perfect, handsome baby boy. And you loved laing on your side from the start.
The doctors put me in a regular bed to go to our room and I finally got to hold you. You were all bundled up and seemed so tiny in my arms. I was overcome with so many emotions during that trip down the hallway. It was a short trip but in my memory it seems like it was so very long. Will I be a good mom? How can I make sure you are happy? How will I know how to take care of you? I couldn't keep my mind from racing.

Your dad got to the hospital at 4:30 and the nurses told him to wait in the room. He had no idea you had been born until they brought us into the room. You were so small that he didn't see you right away, but when he did, his whole face lit up. He stayed at the hospital with us every day until we got to come home.

Your cousins came to visit too. They were both very excited to meet you and proud of their baby cousin.
Your dad was here for two weeks and loved spending time with you. He would hold you and play with you. He watched football with you and explained the game to you. I think one day you will have a great bond.
Well, my son, that is the story of how we got to meet you. You are growing so fast but I will always cherish that day.

Lastly, here is my favorite picture of you from today. I take several a day but there is always one that seems to capture just how perfect you are.