Happy Halloween Little Bear!!!!

We were supposed to be in the Halloween Parade last week but sadly it rained. It has been a rather uneventful first Halloween. But I had fun dressing you up anyways.

We went to a Halloween playgroup and you dressed up as a bee. You slept through the entire playgroup so I only was able to take one picture:


Aunt Jenn bought you a fun shirt and pumpkin socks that you wore when we went out for lunch with MOMO:


And here is the costume you were supposed to wear in the parade. You didn't like it very well and didn't wear it for very long:

But Its Not Even Halloween

It is snowing. SNOWING?!?! The change in weather has made me so sad. I am longing for 75 and sunny with a light breeze... I have a feeling this is going to be a long winter. Getting out of the house with an infant in cold weather is not something I was prepared for. I am so nervous as to whether he is bundled enough or if he will overheat when we go into a store. All in all, the first snowfall was beautiful, even if I am dreading the winter.

Seemingly Overnight

I am always amazed by how many skills you acquire and how much you change in such a short time. It seems like every night you go to sleep and the next day you wake up with some new ability. The one that surprised me the most is that you developed different cries. You went from having one loud wail for everything to having four different kinds if cries. Well, four that I can absolutely differentiate every time. There is a whimper kind of cry. Usually you whimper when I am holding you but not paying attention to you or if you are in your chair or on the floor with me right next to you and you want me to pick you up. Then you have a whining sort of cry. This is the next level of unhappy. You start this cry when I have done what you wanted. If i put you in my lap when you want to be on my shoulder, you start the whining cry. I have to keep trying different positions until I figure out exactly what you want. Next, you have the "I'm getting upset" cry. Usually you get upset when you are hungry, need a diaper change or you have just woken up. These three cries are almost always accompanied by ab adorable pouty face. Your final cry is the angry cry. You get angry when I can't figure out what you want or I take too long to do it, It is an all out scream that breaks my heart.

You are mastering other skills too. I think my favorite is sticking out your tongue. If I stick my tongue out at you over and over, you will do it back to me (if you are in the mood of course). You have earned a new nickname from me too....

My Chubster

Poor Baby!

While documenting the many firsts that will occur throughout your life, I thought I should document this one as well. The first cold. It started a few days ago with just a stuffy nose but has gotten worse. I was worried of course because you were have a hard time breathing, especially when sleeping. You would moan, whine, and thrash around all night. I took you to the doctor just to make sure everything was ok. You checked out just fine and it truly is just your first cold. On a positive note, you weighed 11lbs 3oz today. You are growing so fast!!!! I cannot believe how big you have gotten in 6 short weeks.

We came home from the doctor and I put you down in your bouncy chair for a couple of minutes. I went in the other room and came back..... you were fast asleep, all on your own.You rarely go to sleep on your own and I was so proud of you for doing so. Perhaps it was just because you are sick and had been up most of the night, but either way, I'm still proud of how much you are growing.

A Big Day!

It has been one month, one week and 4 days since you were born. Until today, I hadn't been away from you at all yet. I wanted to go to a job fair today since it will be time for me to go back to work soon. I would have brought you with me but didn't think that would go over well. Nancy babysat you while I went. I promised I would only take an hour but gave her a bottle just in case. Then I crossed my fingers and hoped that you would take the bottle if you got hungry since you only get mad at me when I try to give you one. Well, I had an interview at the job fair and it took much longer than I had planned. I rushed back to get you to walk in the door and find you contentedly taking a bottle. Its a step that shows you aren't completely dependent on just me. I was happy that I can allow other people to watch you and feed you but also a little sad. Feeding you was the one thing had only *I* could do for you. Well, that's not true. I'm still the only one who can be your mother and I guess that is all both of us need.

Another big step. Yesterday I put you in your crib for a nap. Usually when you wake up and realize you are by yourself you get upset right away. Not yesterday. Yesterday you woke up and contentedly played in the crib. I heard you making cooing noises and went to check on you. You were wide awake and happily playing. You were making adorable faces, so of course, I took advantage of your content moment to take a bunch of pictures.
And lastly, another big step. You have been intentionally smiling at me when I talk or sing to you. This is the first smile I was able to catch on camera. Well, its the end of the smile. You give very big, whole mouth open smiles, then end with a little grin. The grin was all I could catch.

We Will Be OK

I've been wondering if I am really capable of being a mom without "messing up." There are so many books and so many people offering up advice that its overwhelming. Don't co-sleep. Don't pick him up so much. Don't let him cry. Don't feed him so much. Don't spoil him. I have my own opinions on what to do for many situations. I have read book after book and develop theories based on these books. But for some reason, each conflicting piece of advice makes me wonder.... Am i messing up? Is my theory wrong? Does this other mom know better than I do because she has 3 children? And then I wonder if I am carrying out the theory I believe in a wrong way. Will i somehow do something that will cause irreparable harm without realizing? NO!

I have decided to let go of my second guessing and insecurities. I'm sure I will always wonder if I could be doing better but from now on, I will not let unsolicited advice make me think that I am being a bad mom. I am willing to consider the opinion of others but many of the opinions I am being given have already been considered and decided against. So if another mom thinks that letting you sleep on my chest for 2 hours in the evening is spoiling you and ruining your nighttime schedule, I will brush off the advice with a smile and continue letting you sleep.

I don't understand why other people are so quick to judge a new mom's parenting. Perhaps they feel that they since they have experience, they are being helpful. But I'm sure these same people were thinking the same thoughts I am having now when others gave unwanted advice. Sure, I have a lot of question and there are many things I do not know. I will admit when I need help and accept advice when it is truly warranted. However, when and where my child sleeps is not a matter of utmost concern that it must be addressed several times by every person I know. In short, I will do my best and we will be ok.

And of course, I can't post without a picture. Here is one of me "spoiling" you.

The Greatest Day There Ever Was

I'm backtracking now. All the way back to Labor Day weekend, where my first post stopped. Your father arrived on Sunday. We stayed home Sunday and Monday with the only exception of going out to eat. We were both ready for you to come. Well, I was more ready than your dad was. I was having a lot of pain in my back but no other signs you would be born. Tuesday I went to work as usual and was a little disappointed that you hadn't decided to come over the weekend. Here is the last picture I had taken of me before you were born.

The pain in my back continued to worsen all day Tuesday. After lunch, I couldn't take the pain anymore. I called the doctor and she told me to go to the hospital to be monitored. Around 2:15, I left work and a friend of mine drove me home to get your dad. Since he wasn't home, she drove me to the hospital and dropped me off. Normally I would have worried about being at the hospital by myself but i just knew you weren't coming yet. The nurses monitored my contractions and your heart rate and told me everything was fine. They said they would call my doctor and then send me home to wait for labor to begin. Suddenly, there were eight people standing around me. They put an oxygen mask on my face and an IV in my arm but would not tell me what was going on. After what seemed like an eternity, someone finally told me your heart rate had dropped. Your heart rate stabilized finally and the doctor came in to do an ultrasound. My fluid was low and you, my difficult boy, were breech. The doctor told me we would be having a c section at 6. I called your Aunt Jenn at work and told her the news and she rushed to the hospital. Your heart rate fluctuated a few more times and the doctor decided the c section would be as soon as possible instead of at 6. I was taken to the OR and given a spinal block. Aunt Jenn had just arrived when my legs had gone completely numb. You were taken out of my belly with your bum entering the world first at 4:48. The doctors allowed me a brief glimpse of my beautiful boy and you were taken to the other side of the room to be cleaned while my surgery was finished. You screamed and screamed until the brought you back to me. Aunt Jenn held you and you calmed down as soon as you were by my side. I stroked your cheek until my surgery was complete. You were 6lbs 6oz and 19.5in of perfect, handsome baby boy. And you loved laing on your side from the start.
The doctors put me in a regular bed to go to our room and I finally got to hold you. You were all bundled up and seemed so tiny in my arms. I was overcome with so many emotions during that trip down the hallway. It was a short trip but in my memory it seems like it was so very long. Will I be a good mom? How can I make sure you are happy? How will I know how to take care of you? I couldn't keep my mind from racing.

Your dad got to the hospital at 4:30 and the nurses told him to wait in the room. He had no idea you had been born until they brought us into the room. You were so small that he didn't see you right away, but when he did, his whole face lit up. He stayed at the hospital with us every day until we got to come home.

Your cousins came to visit too. They were both very excited to meet you and proud of their baby cousin.
Your dad was here for two weeks and loved spending time with you. He would hold you and play with you. He watched football with you and explained the game to you. I think one day you will have a great bond.
Well, my son, that is the story of how we got to meet you. You are growing so fast but I will always cherish that day.

Lastly, here is my favorite picture of you from today. I take several a day but there is always one that seems to capture just how perfect you are.

Happy 1 Month Birthday!

You are a month old today and I am shocked. How did that happen? Every day I stare at you and ponder how lucky I am to have you. Today I am just going to share some beautiful one month pictures of the little man who stole my heart.

Morning is my favorite play time with you. We mostly hang out on my bed and play until you are ready for a nap. You are very alert and get mad when I don't give you 100% of my attention.
Usually you take your morning nap in my bed. You don't like when I try to put you in your bed.
Although you sleep pretty well in my bed for your nap, hands down, your favorite place to sleep is my lap. You would do all of your sleeping there if I let you.
You are starting to like your car seat more. We have been taking a lot of small trips lately and you have been doing great in the car seat. I was worried about our trips because you hated the car seat before. Happy one month birthday, my little boy! I look forward to all the days we will share and discoveries we will make as you grow.

It Has Been a Long Road That is Only Beginning

Since I last posted, so many things have happened. One day soon I will post the story of the most amazing day I have ever had. But right now, I would just like to give myself a little birthday present: documentation of all the little amazing things that brighten each and every day.

You will be one month old tomorrow and I cannot believe it! We have been through so much together already. But yesterday was all icing on the cake. You gave me the best birthday present a mommy could ask for. Your first smile! And it was amazing! I had you on my lap and I was very close to your face talking to you and the next thing I knew, there was a little smile gazing back up at me. You did it again today and I must say, that smile makes all the stress I have ever felt melt away.

There are other fun things you have been doing too now that you are a little older. You like diaper changes after dark. The light in your room causes a shadow on the wall behind the changing table. You will stare, enthralled with my shadow, for the entire diaper change.

Today we went for a walk with the mom's group. You were an angel during the trip, of course, as long as you had your soothie.